On Being Sami Part 2, or On Being White-ish, or Internet Community is Always Weird

            You might remember in the first part of this post, talked about finding out my dad’s side of the family is Sami.

            That was just sort of a curiosity, though I did ruminate a little on why various Scandinavian and Russian governments discriminated against the Sami (to the point of sterilizing them up until modern times). And I also found it interesting that they have more genetically in common with Native Americans and Asians than Europeans.

            I did also think a time or two “huh, I guess I’m part Asian. I don’t suppose I can claim person of color status to improve my oh so white denomination’s stats?”

            But it wasn’t really a thing to me, until, I made the mistake of goggling, “Sami Mongolian.” Don’t do it. It is horrifying.

           

Apparently Neo-Nazis have a big problem with Sami. Here are a few choice things they have to say about us:

“Pure Saamis are fine as long as they stay in their territories.”

“Are they subhuman? Let’s just say I wouldn’t marry one.”

“I would personally execute the entire Sami-race given a chance. While smiling.”

“First we deal with the Jews, then the Negroids, then the Sami.”

            So that’s kinda messed up.

            That said, most of the posts were on a white supremacist online forum. And, strangely enough, it was like any other online forum I’d ever seen—I mean the subject was eliminating… well me… but it was still the same! I actually came close to feeling bad for one of the forum moderators.

            I think I have to give an example to get you to see the humor (I’m conflating posts here):
Moderator: There are only like 70,000 of these Sami alive, we should actively seek to eliminate them.

B: But, they look white to me… Renee Zellweger is one, and she’s hot. I don’t want to kill hot chicks.

Moderator: Ni**ers can be hot too, but they still need to be eliminated.

C: B Brings up a good point, Mrs. Zellweger looks Aryan. How can we know who ought to be killed?

Moderator: It’s simple, there are measurements you can do with a Caliper.

C: Wait, we’d need to touch their heads?!? I don’t think I’m up for that kind of thing. Could we get them to do it themselves? Or could we wear gloves?

D: Yeah, and like, this is going to involve a lot of work, isn’t it?

Moderator: Of course! It takes our whole self, our whole lives sacrificed to the white race for the white race.

D: Can I just do it, like once a week, or something. I kinda have other stuff going on.

Moderator: What could be more important than winning the race war and saving Europe for the Nordics and the Aryans?

D: Well, there is a new Halo coming out…

Moderator: You are all horrible at being white people!!!

            Where were these kind of Nazis in World War Two?

I mean, imagine it:

“Well, there is this really important meeting at a beerhall tonight—this Hitler fellow is going to speak, but I don’t think I’m going to go, I’m going to play my Xbox instead.”

“I was going to round up the Jews in town, but one of them was really hot, so I let them all go.”

“Gassing people, nah, I’d have to touch their bodies, I’m too much of a germaphobe to do that.”

            So where am I going with this? I guess, the whole being part Sami seemed like just sort of a curiosity to me—hey we’ve been passing as white for 1000’s of years, isn’t that strange. Then when I saw people threatening us collectively, I actually feel more Sami.

            Also, this whole thing points out how bizarre "race" itself it. I mean, if I'm not "white" because of measurements of my head, yet am as pale as the white horse in Revelation... and if I'm not "European," even though my dad's ancestors arrived in Scandinavia before the Scandinavians... then clearly all our categories are just strange whims with monstrous consequences.