Friday, November 16, 2007

Calvin and Hobbes-explained

Its a little sick, but kinda funny. At what point does an overactive imagination become insanity?

The Screwtape Emails (In accordance with the Gospel of Matthew) PART 6

Subject: Congratulations
I am overjoyed. Huzzah. I won’t have to throw you back to the torturers!
Take a break, drink and whore it up!
Your beloved father,
your Lord Beelzebul the Belial.

AAR and "spaghetti monsters"

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Screwtape Emails (In accordance with the Gospel of Matthew) PART 5

Subject: He’s dead! He’s dead!
I think things are going to be okay. That disciple I mentioned before has betrayed Jesus! And I got a suicide out of the bargain as well!
There was a dinner, some singing, then the arrested him! Peter denied Jesus. I found the chief priests some liars to condemn him, and then they turned him over to the Romans.
Oh! Sir, I’m so excited about my… personal touch, my crowning achievement, my grand slam, my home run, my hat trick! Get this I made the crowd to say “His blood be on us and on our children!” No matter the outcome of this grand adventure I’ve poisoned this event forever!
And then you know what! They killed Jesus! I stood there and watched. He shouted, and slumped down on the cross dead. Many miraculous thing happened, saints were raised, an earthquake, darkness… Yet, I think those were the last rumblings of God. I have killed this God With Us! I have killed him!

Monday, November 12, 2007

The Screwtape Emails (In accordance with the Gospel of Matthew) PART 4

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Good news at last!
He attacked the temple! Seriously! I mean wow. This is good. The Roman soldiers looked on. They remembered back to that time when we convinced one of them mooned the temple. I still remember the Bacchanalia of blood we had in hell that day!
The city was tense before Jesus did this. Now… he’s going down!

Subject: Re: Re: Good news at last!
They clog his path! Asking question after question. A Pharisee brought up the Romans! They keep asking about his authority! He’s tricky no doubt, but if you get enough people worrying about their own hides, and power… oh, fear is a powerful thing!
Also I may have found a weakness in one of the disciples. He wants to do good. Hehe! :)

Subject: Re:Good news at last!
Excellent! Stir up that great city. Bring in the Romans. Exploit every tension, ethnic and otherwise, that you can! Bring hell itself to him!

Subject: Good news at last!
I’ve been ratcheting up the pressure on him by the scribes and the like! I sent a whole crew in from Jerusalem to argue with him! He’s now decided that he must go to Jerusalem.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

The Screwtape Emails (In accordance with the Gospel of Matthew) PART 3

Subject: Re: Re: Report
Alas, it is as if this Son of the Enemy has hacked our system. He knew our tricks and has told parables that counteract the pitfalls of religiosity. Further fortifying his disciples from my seduction, he has taught them a prayer. It’s a damn good one too! It involves submission and humility. It continually delivers them from my grasp! And he’s given blessings of meekness too.
There was also a new kind of spiritual disturbance. It was as if Moses had re-appeared. Have gave commandments! Bloody commandments! It pained me to my core. I have been unable to sleep since that sermon on that mountain.
On a side note the Possessors you have sent have been very ineffective. He casts them out and people start praising the Enemy!

Subject: Re: Report
Your have done well. Religious leaders are very often our fifth column; they will likely not be too hard to convince. Men like power and instant rewards.
In fact, try to cultivate this same dispossession in these so-called little salts, these disciples. Nudge them toward a bawdy, showy, piety! Make them think of how GOOD of disciples they can be, over against the other disciples of course! :)

Subject: Report
Jesus follows the Enemy’s… his father he says… will totally. He has christened himself “salt” and “light.” He calls people to repent and to live lives of abundant goodness. He’s infusing people with their natural states, unclouded and compromised by all our works! They follow the Enemy’s will!
Worse still he has chosen to make others little Messiahs, little salt crystals and little flickers of light! Its enough to make you sick!
Every once in a while that same disconcerting feeling, your know like a blackboard screeching—like your stomach has just fallen a thousand feet below the earth, comes upon me, and I know a Prophets words have re-incarnated themselves on this earth.
I’ve begun to rouse the religious leaders into opposing him.

Obama's big speech!